the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
