So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
