I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
