had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
