so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I smell like Dick and happiness
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
