the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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