Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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