God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
