maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
