Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Randomize
