I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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