i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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