perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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