someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
