I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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