naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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