You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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