Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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