I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
