Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
