Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
...so i touched it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Michael Bay diarrhea
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
