ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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