Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
