My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
