It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
