from now on my penis is your penis
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
