I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
