community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
