Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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