True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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