apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
