babies were throwing up all over the place
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
