I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
