I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The air taste purple.
Randomize
