I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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