No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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