I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
