4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just threw up on my dentist
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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