PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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