His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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