he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
