Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
