I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
