bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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