Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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