Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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