I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sext me about skeletons
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
