Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
