she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
