i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
