No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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