Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
