Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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