im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
