we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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