My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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