Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
