why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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