A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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