Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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