Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize