So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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