Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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