dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
one two three fourrrrnication!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
