And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
