The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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