He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
