I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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