3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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